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Domestic Violence

Family violence is any form of abuse or neglect that a child or adult experiences from a family member. Family violence can also come from someone who they have an intimate relationship with. Hurting and controlling someone who trusts and depends on them is an abuse of power.

Family violence can affect anyone. It happens in all types of relationships and families.

Remember it is not your fault. You are not alone, and there is help.

Types of abuse

Abuse can happen to anyone. Abuse is never okay. No one ever deserves abuse.

Physical abuse causes harm or death.

This can be when someone:

  • Hits, slaps, pushes or kicks you.
  • Strangles or chokes you.
  • Stabs, cuts, shoots or burns you.

Emotional abuse is using words or actions to control or frighten someone.

This can be when someone:

  • Threatens you.
  • Puts you down or calls you names.
  • Prevents you from seeing family or friends.

Sexual abuse is forced sexual activity.

This can be when someone:

  • Touches you in a sexual way against your will.
  • Continues sexual activity when you ask them to stop.
  • Forces you to have unsafe sexual activity.
  • Sexual abuse can happen in intimate partner relationships, such as engagements and marriages. Your partner cannot force you to have sex.

Financial abuse is the control or misuse of money or property.

This can be:

  • Taking your money without your permission.
  • Not letting you go to work.
  • Forcing you to sell things or change your will.

Neglect is not providing basic needs or care to a dependent family member.

This can be:

  • Not letting you go to the doctor.
  • Not giving you food, clothing or medication.
  • Abandoning you.

Abuse has many warning signs. If you see these warning signs in your relationship, or with others, it is time to get help.

Warning signs of an abuser

  • Always putting the other person down.
  • Talks for the other person.
  • Keep the person away from others.
  • Acts as if they own the other person.

Warning signs someone is being abused

  • They apologize often for the other person's behaviour.
  • They are nervous talking when the other person is there.
  • They seem sad, lonely and afraid.
  • They use more drugs or drink alcohol to cope.
  • They seem to be sick more often and miss work.

Abuse can start or get worse in pregnancy. If you are pregnant or thinking about becoming pregnant, click here to read more about Abuse in Pregnancy: Are you and your baby safe?

Have a safety plan

Having a safety plan is very important. You need to protect yourself and the safety of any children involved. Making a safety plan means deciding what you will do if you are experiencing abuse, whether you choose to remain at home or leave.

Make a plan and talk to someone you trust.

In an emergency, call 911.

Domestic violence can happen more often during pregnancy than in any other time. Experiencing any type of abuse can have serious impacts on your health and your baby’s health.

If you have a history of intimate partner violence you may be more likely to experience mental health issues during pregnancy.

Domestic violence affects children in many ways. Children who live in an abusive home, and who witness abuse, may not grow in a healthy way. Home should be a safe place for your children.

Children living with abuse may:

  • Keep secrets or keep to themselves.
  • Harm themselves.
  • Bully others.
  • Have low self-esteem.
  • Have stomach aches or headaches.
  • Have trouble sleeping.
  • Under- or over-eat.
  • Blame themselves.

Children need to feel safe at home to grow into healthy and caring adults. It is never too late to get help.

Everyone deserves to be loved, valued, and to feel safe in their relationships. Not all relationships are healthy. It is important to know what a healthy relationship means.

A healthy relationship means that you:

  • Trust one another.
  • Are able to be yourself.
  • Feel safe.
  • Respect each other's opinions, family and friends.
  • Support each other's goals, interests and values.

An unhealthy relationship means:

  • Someone is trying to have power and control over the other.
  • There is abuse.
  • Fear is used to control how the other person talks, acts and thinks.
  • One person feels they are not allowed to see their family or friends.

If you are experiencing abuse, protect yourself and the safety of any children involved. Make a safety plan. Talk to someone you trust. If you know someone who is experiencing abuse, you can get them help. There are many 24-hour services in Durham Region.

In an emergency, call 911.

Durham Region Services

Helplines:

  • Assaulted Women's Helpline, 1-866-863-0511, or dial #SAFE (#7233) on a Bell, Rogers, Fido, or Telus mobile phone
  • Distress Centre Durham Helpline, 1-800-452-0688
  • Durham Region Police Service, 911
  • Rape Crisis Centre, 905-668-9200
  • Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868
  • Children's Aid Society, 1-800-461-8140
  • Durham Health Connection Line, Monday to Friday from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., 1-888-777-9613

Shelters and hostels:

  • Bethesda House, 905-623-6050
  • Herizon House, 1-866-437-4066
  • Anishnaabe Kwewag Gamig, 1-800-388-5171
  • Muslim Welfare Home, 905-665-0424
  • The Denise House, 905-728-7311
  • Y's WISH Shelter, 905-576-2997
  • Cornerstone, 905-433-0254 or 1-844-433-0254

Other help:

  • Family Services Durham, 311 or toll-free 1-888-721-0622
  • Safety Network Durham, 1-877-723-3905
  • Durham Region Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Care Centre, 905-576-8711
  • Catholic Family Services of Durham, 1-877-282-8932
  • WMRCC (Women's Multicultural Resource and Counselling Centre), 1-877-454-4035
  • Luke's Place, 905-728-0978
  • Housing - Durham Region Housing Services 905-666-6222
  • Financial - Durham Region Social Services, 1-877-678-6333
  • Family Law Information Centre 905-743-2630
  • Victim/Witness Assistance Program, 905-743-2790

Find more Helpline Numbers and Shelters in Durham.

For more information about abuse, or where to get help, visit the Public Health Agency of Canada: "Stop Family Violence" website.

Women abuse and child witness program

There is a free program to help mothers who have experienced violence. The program can help you with parenting, stress and building a healthy relationship with your child.

The Catholic Family Services of Durham runs this program. For more information, call the Catholic Family Services of Durham at 1-877-282-8932, or visit Catholic Family Services of Durham.

To read more about the program, visit Mothers in Mind.

Be careful what you write and search on your computer. An abuser can look at your computer activity. Never share your passwords and always log out of your accounts. Be careful not to post any personal information or your location on social media.

Use a computer at work, a friend's house or at the library. If you need to use your own computer, you can clear your browser and search history when you are done.

Clear your browser history

Follow these steps to clear your browser's history:

Internet Explorer

  1. Click the Tools menu at top right.
  2. Click Internet Options.
  3. Click on the General tab.
  4. Click Browsing History.
  5. Click Delete browsing history on exit and click OK.

Firefox

  1. Select the Edit menu.
  2. Click Preferences.
  3. Click Privacy.
  4. Click History.
  5. Click Clear Browsing History Now.
  6. Click Cache and click Clear cache now.

Safari

  1. Click Safari menu.
  2. Click Empty Cache and Empty.
  3. Pull down the History menu.
  4. Select Clear History and click Clear.

Chrome

  1. Select the Chrome menu on the top right.
  2. Click Tools.
  3. Click clear browsing data.
  4. Select the boxes for history, cookies and cache.
  5. Select Beginning of Time at the top and click Clear browsing data.

Partner Assault Response Program

Family Services Durham (FSD) offers a Partner Assault Response (PAR) Program, a specialized psychoeducational group program for individuals mandated to attend due to criminal charges for violence against a current or former intimate partner. The PAR program provides participants the opportunity to examine their beliefs and attitudes towards intimate partner violence, and learn non-abusive ways to resolve conflict.

Victims/partners of those attending the PAR program will be contacted and offered safety planning, support, and referrals to community resources.

Participants attend 12 two-hour group meetings. Each group session involves education, discussion, and other activities. Themes include:

  • Domestic violence - defining abuse
  • Understanding triggers and warning signs
  • Respectful communication
  • How beliefs and attitudes affect behaviour
  • Healthy relationships
  • Dealing with conflict
  • The effects of abuse on children, partner, and self
  • The impacts of substance abuse
  • Responsibility and accountability

Group sessions are held weekly. Daytime and evening groups are available.

Sessions may be offered in-person or virtually. In-person sessions are held at 605 Rossland Road East in Whitby.

After being referred to the PAR Program, contact Administrative Staff at 311 or toll-free 1-888-721-0622. An intake will be arranged, and when it is completed you will be enrolled in the group of your choice when possible.

The PAR Program is provided by FSD with funding from the Ministry of the Attorney General and client fees. Participants in the PAR Program pay a fee based on a sliding scale.

For more information about the PAR Program, call 311 or toll-free 1-888-721-0622.